Full Hasselhoff

Cross in September is a cruel mistress. We get hyped all summer for it. Sure #crossiscoming is a running joke that we use to mess with people a bit. Especially when we start posting that hashtag in June. But we do really live for this time of year. All bikes and bike riding are great. I probably prefer adventure rides over actual CX racing at this point. I am definitely built more for long, slow endurance rides in VT...nobody can you see you suffer on a Class 4 road in Woodstock. It is just you and the squirrels. Who can be vicious. No doubt. But there is nothing like CX. It is part a reunion. Part rolling circus. It is our version of Beer League Softball as my friend the aging hipster once said. We always say "Cross is fun" And while yeah it is fun. Cross in September is brutal. Most years I come into September with some fitness. I usually do a mtn bike race or two. Do some actual CX training. Maybe run if I am feeling really spicy. Yeah not this year.

I went full couch to CX season. So why is CX in September so hard? Humidity is a beast. I am built for winter. I am not built for going full out in 80 degree heat with 80 percent humidity. People are fast in September. All the damn roadies and mtn bikers have been racing all season. They are flying. I mentioned my summer was filled with soul rides in VT right? I have zero regrets. But I have been at this game for a while. Its amazing I can be this bad at something I have done for so long. The starts have been umm interesting to say the least. White Park is always fast. It is one of the fastest courses we race. Not sure if it is the stacked fields or just the way the course is laid out. But it is also one of my favorite courses. A great mix of turns and tech. Three brutal loose runups and a sick descent. I got there and met up with all my friends. Saw a bunch of people I hadn't seen in a while. We camped out in the Chainline tent and got our groove on.

Did I mention it was hot? Damn. I wasn't really prepared for how hot it was going to be. I love my OG HUP Noir. But it is all black. My helmet is black. Just like my soul. But for now I am really not thinking about that. Way too may high fives and checking out all the new bikes etc. Eric writes his max heart rate on his wrist with a sharpie. I am not sure if this is for humor or to keep him from having a stroke. I don't go into these races with expectations. If you have zero expectations you really ensure you will have a great time no matter what. Sure there are a few people I sort of think yeah it would be cool to race with them today and see how it goes. But I am a mid-packer at best. Probably more like party at the back at this point. We do some typical controlled chaos of a call up. Volunteers on the front row. Points leaders on the front. The front is pointy. That is all I will say. I sort of get boxed out of the second row. I am too nice sometimes aren't I? But it is Beer League Softball and realistically it won't make much difference. Although in Cross and especially SSCX the start is everything. If you aren't at or near the front it is over. You are literally on your own for the next 40 minutes doing a solo TT.

So we go 0-60 in a blink of an eye. Wow my starts are really bad this season. I get clipped in and am seriously DFL. This is the second race in a row where I am off the back right from the gun. I guess riding gravel at a gentleman's pace doesn't really translate to full gas off the line. Who knew? Might need to work on that before Midnight CX...So ok I am OTB. No need to panic. Ok maybe I panicked a tad. But I kind of regain contact by the time we get to the playground. And I can see Eric albeit he is four turns ahead of me and accelerating. I start catching some people. Oddly the horrible runups slow people down enough that I can catch up. That is weird but I will take it. I get through the first lap and am pretty much seeing stars. I see Utah. He is like "CHIP LETS HANGOUT!!" I love hangs amigo but I have to catch some people bro.....we ride a lap or two together. We come through and I see 5 to go. No. God. How can you post 5 to go. Just don't put the card up. Or hand me a cold Dale's before showing me that...soul crusher. But I am riding with Utah so its ok.

Utah kind of fades. I think he went out way to fast. And he has cracked ribs. And he rode all the runups. He is a beast. I see a few people ahead. All cross races are about attrition. People explode. Crash. Implode. If you hang in you are guaranteed to move up. It is like the Hunger Games. So when I see Tim sort of looking rough I know something bad has happened. Turns out later he had trouble with his pedal on the sick descent and crashed and then may have been run over by Eric. As I said it gets crazy in the middle of a race like White Park. A little about the descent. It is probably one of my favorites in New England. You have to run up this blown out sidehill. Then get to the top and remount and pray you clip in. You pretty much drop in blind. After the second drop you can see and blast out onto the field and go full gas across the grass to the finish. It is a pretty unique feature.

So amid my soul searching and finding a reason to continue this beating I am taking I hear and see cool people. A mix of friends old and new and random cool Cx peeps. Some really funny heckles. Eric Marro seriously kept me from going to a really dark place with his comments. So I will own it. I went Full Hasselhoff. What is FH? David Hasselhoff is a god among men. An impressive amount of chest and body hair. And not afraid to flaunt it. I tend to be a bit reserved. I am a dad. My days of wearing a skinsuit are over. They say dadbods are hot. I can't really confirm this but I know I was about to have heat stroke so I did the only thing I could think of. I unzipped my jersey. If I could have ripped the sleeves off mid-race I would have done so. I instantly felt better. I mean I no longer felt like I was going to die. And oddly some people who I started to catch did not look so fresh. I mean if you look at the photos of me on the internet I look like a hotmess. But really I was coming back. I swear.

I did somehow claw my way back to being very close to Grant. I almost thought for a millisecond that I was going to be able to catch him and sprint it out for who knows what back of the pack spot..but it was fun chasing him and trying to use some tactics to catch him. It didn't work but it made the last lap a lot of fun. We finished up. I collapsed in the tent and contemplated what just happened. Wow. That was the most brutal race I have ever done. I am literally counting the days until the snow falls. Why is racing CX in the heat so horrible? I mean mtn biking happens in summer. It is never this bad. Who knows it must be some cruel trick of the Cx Gods. I mean Cx is supposed to be a winter sport. If global warming really does mess with our Fall we may need to consider a new mantra. NOCXINSEPT...ever. If September is the new August I may have to retire...

Full Hasselhoff by Russ Campbell

So here it is in all its glory. Full Hasselhoff by Russ. It is a hotmess but also a fantastic shot. Harkens to epic Rapha shots in Roubaix. Cross dangling. Sweat flying. In the drops. Damn it was a good day. Thanks to everyone who makes the NECX and the Zank SSCX Series so rad. Next stop on this world tour is Midnight Ride of CX. DONOTMISSIT. I know I always say we have something special planned. In this case I am 100% serious. You will not want to miss it. Thanks for reading