Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Confessions of a Hamfist
My name is Velocb and I am a Hamfist...there I said it. My friends have threatened to take my tools away. And that is no joke as I own a BALLER Pedros Master Tool kit. So I have the tools to be a good mechanic but I don't have the tools to be a good mechanic if you know what I mean. Its weird. The more experienced I have become the more a danger I become to myself and fine bike parts. Last night I almost turned a $120 Campy front derailer into a paper weight. I somewhat blame Campy. I mean I am a hamfist but please. Why would you put a spacer on a bolt that doesn't match up to your own frickin band clamp? And then why would said spacer not be easily removable? So that is on Campy. The rest isn't. So it didn't match up. Instead of backing away, like a Silverback Gorilla named Mongo I started smashing things. Mongo smash. Tighten bolt til threads are splinter all over the place.
FML. It happened again. So The Hamfist once again reared its ugly head. I panicked. Then texted The Wilcox. Then called The Wilcox. He sounded tired. Granted it was 10:30 and he'd been at work all day. But he loves me so....Shit I felt bad. He talked me off the ledge. I found a water bottle cage bolt and used that. And guess what? It worked.
Pam rolled into the man cave (aka Garage bay) just as this was all blowing up. No wife should have to see their manny throwing bike tools around a garage when they are supposed to be watching children. Well the children were asleep but you know what I am saying. As always she made the mood light. She rolled down her window and asked for a cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate shake...god I love that woman.
So once again I have been saved by my friends and the love of my life. Today we got to get a great road ride. That fubar'd front derailed held up. Shifted great. I called my other mechanic friend---dear god how many mechanic friends do I have? I may be a mechanic stalker. I mean I know housewives who are dr stalkers. Makes sense. And for me it makes a LOT of sense to have a bunch of PRO level wrenches on speed dial. Nigel would have drug dealers I have mechanics. Perfect. So apparently some drilling out of the derailer is necessary. In his words if it blows up I won't die. But do I want to be half way through the Fundo and have to ride in on a 34? No I don't think so. To all my mechanic friends...thank you from the bottom of my grimy Hamfist heart...